


There is no catching

by tsubasafan



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 13:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/491767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsubasafan/pseuds/tsubasafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never would have guessed things would turn out this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is no catching

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mikkeneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkeneko/gifts).



> made for mikkenekofor the secret santa over at 108_techniques

\--  
‘I divested myself of despair  
and fear when I came here.  
Now there is no more catching  
one’s own eye in the mirror,’ –Jane Kenyon.

 

He had never been afraid of the dark, he still wasn’t, but he couldn’t deny that vast emptiness that accompanied the loss of his sight. The void stretched and stretched until he felt he would go mad from it, but then there was always a sudden touch on his arm, fingers brushing through his hair, or the feel of hot breath tickling the hairs on the back of his neck.

It had been all too sudden, but when it had happened Fai had known the outcome. The fight had been all but won; the black hulk of flesh and anger had attacked them and Fai could still hear its awful hissing and the shrieks that reverberated in his chest when it had been cleaved in two. He had been giving a lopsided smile, a joke at Kurogane’s expense on the tip of his tongue when the great beast had used the last of its already quick fading strength to rise up and strike him down.

Syaoran and Kurogane had both leapt to his aide while he had stayed frozen, mismatched eyes wide as everything focused in on that moment. Claws didn’t come to him however, but he wished they had. He could heal from cuts and gashes and broken bones. The thing had craned its bulging neck back like a viper ready to strike and out from its cavernous mouth spewed something akin to poison.

It had felt like the time in the well when his eye had been eaten out. Felt like the stinging numbness he had felt as his nails broke against hard stone beneath that tower that had gone up and up and held Fai captive until the very end. Two steps back and he had wiped at his eyes as someone lopped the things head off, making sure it was good and dead.

Had they been in a world like Piffle or Rekort, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like they had. Maybe he wouldn’t have been reminded of the ruins of Tokyo and the acrid smell of medicine and the deliriousness that came with his body trying to keep him alive.

His companions had been there for him. He remembered that much. Kurogane’s presence had been strongest, looming and so overbearing that it was almost comforting.

When he was better he had been told by a doctor, as it seemed they had left the previous world in a whirlwind of chaos and urgency to another world, that whatever the monster had hit him with had taken away his sight. His magic was still intact, well as much as half his magic could be intact, but he still could not see.

He could not feel auras like Syaoran and Kurogane, he was utterly sightless now and he felt more alone than he had in years despite the comfort his companions offered.

It had taken him weeks to get used to using a cane and Mokona helped by perching on his shoulder whenever he needed to go somewhere and wasn’t familiar with it, which was more or less everywhere as they continued to travel.

But Kurogane helped him. He wasn’t treated any differently, as if Kurogane would really coddle him, and that was more helpful than Fai had thought it would be. There had been hesitation a few times as the other man sorted out just what to do, but things worked themselves out in due time.

It took awhile for the four of them to get used to this new change. He could tell Syaoran felt terrible when he would talk about something and would forget Fai could not see the calligraphy in an old book the boy had found or see the color of new clothes. Mokona slipped as well, but would always apologize and offer kisses and sweets in compensation.

Though he admitted it had been a struggle and it ached when he would wake some mornings and his heart would skip a beat, before his brain could catch up and remind him, when he opened his eyes to nothing. It was one morning like those that he would feel an arm wind around him and pull him down to sleep in a little longer.

His fingers worked at the simple tie around his neck, but it was too loose. He couldn’t remember how many times he had worked on it and it seemed without his sight his fingers were too clumsy now to do it properly. When he felt a hand lightly smack his away and thick fingers tug too hard on the tie as Kurogane tied it for him, he couldn’t help but smile. He could just imagine the sore look on the other man’s face as he concentrated on the ribbon in his hands. “Idiot.”

It was almost enough to make him cry.

While he had gotten acclimated to his predicament, he knew he was a burden, a handicap, a hindrance to the cause no matter how much Kurogane scolded him for it. Eventually they had all had to concede that having a blind companion who was just now beginning to figure his way around a table was no help if they were in more dangerous situations.

In response, Kurogane had all but told him they were going to Nihon or Clow, whichever came first, which Fai had been a bit surprised at the ‘they’ part and had fought and argued over it for days afterwards.

Fai knew they had arrived in Nihon when the scent of flowers hit him like a wave. The palace seemed to always be in bloom and the presence it had always lulled him. Tomoyo had kissed his cheek in greeting and he chuckled when he all but felt Kurogane bristle beside him.

Saying goodbye to Syaoran had been difficult, with too few words said between them, well except for Mokona who had cried and hugged him until the very end. Later that night after things had settled down and they were two less, Fai had simply sat on the balcony of his and Kurogane’s room, letting the wind play with his hair and cool his cheeks.

Life in Nihon was a bit of a tossup for Fai. Some things were the same, the learning of where things were and how to navigate the palace grounds when he was alone. Others were different however, he didn’t have to worry quiet as much about being useless in a fight as there was always a ninja or two lurking in the walls in case of an assassin. Kurogane had even dragged him out to empty yards to re-teach him how to fight and use his blindness to his advantage.

Life with Kurogane was something almost too good to be true and sometimes when he thought too long and hard on it, it hurt to think he couldn’t see any of it. That he wouldn’t be able to watch Kurogane’s face when he got truly embarrassed or when he would begin to show signs of aging in a few more decades. It was a bit unfair, but he was grateful to have made it this far.

Time passed and while he still hurt over the knowledge that he would be the reason if something happened to Syaoran or Mokona on their travels or that he had all but made Kurogane into the world’s grumpiest nurse, he began to understand the lessons he had learned years ago once more. Kurogane called him an idiot when he moped and Fai supposed that was fair.

However, his training was improving and didn’t make him feel quite as useless. He had learned to see by using his other senses and while he still stumbled or aimed too low (Kurogane was still a little sore about that arrow that had nearly left him impotent) he got better day after day. Tomoyo was endlessly amused and he had gotten a few chuckles out of it himself, so he supposed having to hear his partner yelling constantly was okay.

But with his lost eyesight, he could never be a fighter truly again. He left that up to Kurogane to protect the palace and its inhabitants. Fai had never enjoyed fighting to begin with and his lack of vision had all but forced him to seek other means to stave off boredom and make himself useful. Along with Tomoyo they created kekkais and protect the city in a different manner. He picked up cooking again and after more yelling from Kurogane and a few burns here and there, he was at least doing some of the cooking for them. Fai also learned to play one of the many instruments this world had and anything else that didn’t require eyes to do.

Kurogane ran a hand through his hair and Fai smiled as rough fingertips ran across from the back of his head to his cheek. He wanted to see the focused look on the other man’s face, but knew that was in vain, so he brushed aside the brief touch of hurt that accompanied it. He listened to the sound of fabric shifting and the way their bed shifted under Kurogane’s weight. Closing his eyes, he basked in the affection offered and with a tilt of his head shared a few kisses with the other.

While he would miss being able to see he would get used to it and in time it wouldn’t bother him so much. Fai knew he was lucky to still have a lot of things, to have his family that were still traveling and to have Kurogane by his side and the thought of never being able to see anything but darkness again was a little less intimidating now.


End file.
